The Church is where people find support, family, and a conducive environment for spiritual growth. Sadly, many people experience the exact opposite from the Church and even Church leaders. Sometimes, these hurts can short-circuit people’s faith in God, leave them scarred for a long time, and negatively affect how they interact with other Christians.
So, if you’ve ever been hurt by the Church or you know someone who’s still bleeding from Church hurt, God wants you to find healing through this post.
Prioritize Healing from Church Hurt
Ideally, the Church is about the only gathering outside family where people tend to easily trust each other without reservations. Hence, it can be devastating and deeply discouraging to experience hurt from the same people.
So, as with every other hurt, you need ample time to heal from Church hurt. It is safer to address matters that touch the heart rather than covering them up or acting like they never happened. You need to take DELIBERATE steps to heal from Church hurt. Do not simply forget them or allow time to blur them up. Prioritize healing.
Some of the ways you can heal from Church hurt are to:
- Forgive those involved and move on,
- Talk to God about that hurt,
- Journal off the heaviness in your heart,
- If necessary, stay away from that assembly for a short while. You don’t want to give the devil time to establish lies in your heart.
- Talk to someone about the hurt.
Please do whatever you need to do (within the restrictions of the scriptures) to heal. Your overall well-being is important to God, so don’t act like the hurt did not happen.
Healing from church hurt can also mean talking to your offender. I always believe that as long as there is life, there isn’t any kind of disagreement that cannot be resolved. All that heaviness you’re hauling around will fizzle if you simply walk up to your offender and tell them how you feel. It could be that they never meant to hurt you, or the circumstances surrounding the saga just turned out like they did. You’d never know until you talk to them. Talking to your offender can also break the cycle of church offense because it will help your offender see their faults and bring them to genuine repentance, which can save many more from getting hurt by the same person.
If you feel you cannot approach the person, talk to someone they listen to or call a meeting with the church leaders. If church leaders are the offenders, you can politely request time with them and let them know how you feel.
Church Hurt Doesn’t Take Away Your Identity in Christ
You’re upset with your offenders; I understand you should be. But do not let that offence linger too long or make you start to perceive yourself in a negative light. Also, remember that people’s actions, not God, are the reason you’re hurt. And while it might seem as though God simply sat and watched people (or pastors – His men) treat you in such a terrible manner, the truth is that none of what happened has the power to change your identity in Christ.
Despite the hurt you had to endure, you are still the righteousness of God in Christ. You are still without blame before God in love. You are still accepted in the beloved. God still calls you holy! He still bestows His name on you! His Spirit still resides in you—full-time! And God is still madly in love with you!
Now, rejoice for that! And don’t let that hurt get the best of you; it has nothing on you if you don’t let it.
Remember That Everyone Has Come to Grow, Too
Growing up, I remember being told several times that the Church is like a hospital, where everyone is a patient with different degrees of illness and recovery. Although a hospital may not be the best analogy for what a church represents, it’s almost similar.
We are all in the Church for that process of mind renewal that Apostle Paul talked about in Romans 12:2. We’ve all been saved and are members of God’s family, but we still have our flesh to overcome daily. And the hurdle each of us has to overcome differs from the next person’s.
One of the reasons you felt really hurt by that incident with Church or ‘Church people’ could be that somewhere in your subconscious, you expect everyone in Church to be perfect. You expect everyone to be like Jesus – without blemish of any kind in character. You place people on a high horse, so the slightest error from them would hurt so bad. When you expect perfection from people, you won’t be dealing with the consequences of their actions alone. You’re also dealing with the frustration and disappointment of their not meeting your expectations.
I believe your burden will be lifted when you acknowledge that even pastors are still humans undergoing that process of mind renewal and they can slip up anytime. The only time we’re perfect is before God – because when God looks at us, all He sees is His Perfect Son and His perfect sacrifice. But amongst ourselves, we can see each other’s flaws and imperfections.
Can I also add that you should brace yourself for some more hurt? It might not stop. But hey, that hurt can even help you learn to conform to the image of Christ. Could there also be something God might want you to see through that hurt? Remember, it’s seventy times seven times forgiveness for each person, every day!
Pray for Those Who Hurt You
This isn’t me sounding preachy, but praying for the people who hurt you is about the fastest way to heal from the hurt and get back your joy. When Jesus, in scriptures, admonished us to pray for those who persecute us, He didn’t not say so to encourage bad behavior in the body. He said it for your good.
It takes a significant burst of love (and a lot of effort) to genuinely pray for someone – especially someone who has mistreated you. This love will make it impossible for you to still hold on to hurt towards that person. It will also rid your heart of the bitterness that always accompanies hurt. Trust me, you don’t want to do life with bitterness in your heart.
Change Your Local Assembly
I’d say you do this as a last resort. As long as you still interact with humans, getting hurt in Church is almost inevitable. But I know how hard it can be to worship God or serve actively in a church where you get to see your offender(s) all the time or even constantly get hurt by them. It is not safe for you.
Yes, you will forgive those who have wronged you, but you may also need to limit their access to you, especially in cases of repeated hurt.
So, if you find that Church hurt keeps you embittered all the time, you can consider leaving that Church and finding another assembly. But it doesn’t end there.
To avoid repeating those hurtful patterns in your new assembly,
- Know that there is no perfect church.
- Remember that every member of the body is still undergoing that mind renewal.
- Do not place people (not even your church leaders) on unnecessary pedestals.
- Love with all your heart, but set up boundaries and treat access to your life like the treasure it is.
- Serve with your resources, but never expect anything in return – God is the only one who’d reward our labor in His body.
- Don’t bash your former church before your new church members.
But Don’t Let the Devil Lie to You About the Church
We won’t deny that what they did to you was wrong and inappropriate. They could have done better. But how much do you know about the devil? Do you know that the devil hates Christ and His Church so much that he would do anything to keep the body in disunity so that God’s goal cannot be accomplished through it? Do you also know that the devil has no power over the Church, but he can manipulate Christians into giving him the last say or even accomplishing his desires within the church?
Yes, the only thing the devil knows how to do is to lie! And he would lie through anything – including your feelings and emotions – just to get you out of where you ought to be. They did you wrong, yeah. But what if the devil sprinkled some exaggeration over your feelings? What if he was the mastermind behind your ability to tie several (separate and coincidental) events together to reach a hurting conclusion?
Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices.
2 Corinthians 2:11 KJV
One question to ask yourself is, who is taking the glory as I hurt now? Definitely not God! Why not quit giving that defeated entity glory in your life?
Remember Who Owns the Church
And if you’ve stopped going to Church because of hurt, I want you to calmly think about what could be at stake here. You probably hear, see, or even experience road accidents here and there. But do you lock yourself in your house and decide not to step foot on the road again? Absolutely not! You know why? Your destination is your goal, not the road. You have to get to work so you get on the road. You have to visit family and friends, so you get on the road. You have to buy food and groceries, so you get on the road.
The same applies to Church and Church hurt. Why do we go to Church in the first place? I know you can interact with God in your home, but the Church is precious to God for several reasons. Take some time to read this post to understand why we go to Church. When you fully understand why we need to go to Church, you will make that your aim, even if you have to cross the hurdle of Church hurt to get there.
If the Church is the body of Christ, which is precious to God (even with its faults), then you’ve got to treasure it, too.
Conclusion
Going to Church isn’t the ticket to heaven, yeah. But you have to understand that belonging to the body (through a local assembly) is a vital part of the process of our salvation. Saying the sinner’s prayer for salvation is only the first step. There is the process of consecration and the renewal of mind, which you cannot do by yourself (or at home).
You need the Church – even if they’ve hurt you. So heal up and head back home. God needs all hands on deck!
