Why Your Relationships Fail

Why Your Relationships Fail

Has your favorite person in the world suddenly become a stranger? Are your friendships constantly going stale? Or do you feel that the fire you share with someone special is gradually becoming apathetic?

Here are five possible reasons your relationships fail.

You Do Not Nurture Your Relationships

Friendships and relationships have life, so they can grow – and die. And relationship growth does not happen on its own. You need to feed your relationships to sustain and grow them.

This analogy may seem too ordinary, but if a woman gives birth and refuses to feed her child, what do you think would happen to that child?

Do you know that a lack of nurturing is one of the reasons many people give up on God? They go to Him only when they have a problem. He’ll solve their problem alright. But they forget the so-sweet intimacy they could share with the Creator of heaven and earth, and lose sight of Him in no time – until another problem arises.

I also believe this is also the cause of many marital failures. Most married people do not know that the fire in a marital relationship needs to be fueled, and sex isn’t the only way to keep that fire burning.

Unfortunately, most people in our over-informed generation would say, ‘we can go two years without calling each other, but when we call, we know we’re still friends.’ No communication, no expression of love, nothing. Except when you’re in need.


I honestly do not know what that statement means, but I know that every human needs affection. So if you call someone your friend, you should be able to make efforts to show that person that they mean something to you.

Call and text your friends often – your lover isn’t the only one entitled to this. Send them links to opportunities you feel would benefit them. Buy what they sell. Be a crusader for their cause. Share insights and growth platforms with them. And most times, you need to be committed to reaching out first.

Social media has even made it easier to reach out. You view your ‘friend’s’ status, make a comment. They’re celebrating something; post them on your timeline. Make deliberate efforts to sustain and grow your friendships.

You Do Not Know How to Reciprocate Love

Someone calls you several times every month to know how you’re faring, and you’ve never tried to even beep them for once? You can see their effort to express love to you, but you never think of reciprocating, even in the slightest way. Well, they’ll soon become weary.

Or are you constantly on the receiving end of love in your romantic relationship? Not so. All kinds of relationships survive on two-way love traffic.

You Assume Too Much

Well, this was me.

Scratch that. This is still me 50%.

Because I can’t have ‘no reason’ in my mind for people’s attitudes or negligence, I always have something to fix there (don’t we all overthink sometimes? 🤷🏻‍♀️).

‘They probably don’t care, so I don’t care too.’

‘If I mean anything to them, they should be able to call at least once in a while.’

‘Why will I always be the one to reach out first?’

The list continues.

But I’m slowly learning to change those assumptions to something more exonerative like, ‘maybe they’ve been going through a lot,’ and ‘maybe they do not have airtime.’

When my assumptions become too much, I simply drop my friends a message that sounds like, ‘why haven’t you called me in a while?’ to hear what they have to say. But I only do this for my very close friends; indeed, they always have a valid excuse for not reaching out.

Do you want to join me?

You Exaggerate Your Position In People’s Lives

Are you still there?

Let me tell you about a personal experience I’ve had.

During my NYSC* days, I became ‘friends’ with someone. She had this way of making people feel special, so I poured my heart and life into her. In all honesty, I had (and still have) never loved any female friend the way I loved her. Not until one night, when I overheard her conversing with people who were saying nasty things about me.

I had expected her to defend my reputation or something, but she supported them and even fueled all the bad (and untrue) things they said. She also never met me to hear my side of the story. 

My dear, I literally felt my heart shatter into a million fragments that night. I thought I would die from that disappointment because for a few minutes after hearing that conversation, I was gasping for air. It took prayers and constant words of affirmations (from other friends – and for months) to heal from that hurt. In fact, I’m still trying to recover from the automated resentment I feel towards people with her name.

However, one question someone asked me when I was still hurting was this: “You agree she was your friend. But were you her friend?” That was when I realized that I never meant anything to her.

So, before you place yourself on a pedestal, find out what you mean to people you call your friends. Feel free to verbally ask them if you’re unsure of their actions – I do that now.

You Make Friends In the Flesh

Now, can I speak to your spirit?

Some people you call ‘friends’ are not meant to be your friends. You share nothing in common with them. Your values and theirs are 180 degrees apart. You don’t even agree on issues beyond when to start an argument. Yet you keep calling such people your friends. 🧐

For some others, they may not necessarily be bad (or wrong) people. They’re not just meant for the current season of your life. Trust me, you’ll need more effort (struggle, please) to sustain a friendship with such people.

Now here’s the deal.

We all have several friends, and each person needs our attention. When you give attention to the wrong people, you’d be eating into the effort you ought to give to people who are genuinely your friends. And those genuine friendships will suffer!

Plus, as a believer, it is not out of place to consult God before going into friendships, partnerships, and relationships. You’ll save yourself a lot of trouble and heartbreaks.


You’ve been implicated!

Your friendships cannot remain the same again!!

Tell me in the comments what will you be doing differently from today?

*NYSC (National Youth Service Corps) is a compulsory one-year program undergone by Nigerian graduates as their contribution to national development.

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23 thoughts on “Why Your Relationships Fail”

  1. Make sure those who are your friends you are also their friends, Well put!

    What would I be doing differently? So I will reach out to my friends more often and try not to assume too much!!!

  2. Wow
    A long one though.
    At certain points in my life, I’ve intentionally let-go of “friends” who weren’t “friends”, because I was the one “doing the friendship” and didnt know I had been on the list of “just a guy I know” all along.
    However, people want to have you as friends but you obviously don’t want to reciprocate that because of the “values” and “reputations” you want to protect. How then do you go about it, seeing that this one, “she/he is really in the mood of friendship with you”.

    1. Hi Favour,
      The answer to your question will depend on the exact thing you want to protect. If it’s that you do not want people to say you’re friends with someone of a bad repute, you can go about your relationship with that person with wisdom. You can be friendly to that person, call them once in a while, and even hang out with them when you can, without becoming too vulnerable. Who knows, if the person wants to be your friend so badly, you could influence them to change from those ‘not good’ character of theirs you’re trying to stay away from. I pray for my friends to change too.

      And if you’re bold enough, you can verbally tell them you really do not want to be friends with them. It will hurt, but the hurt will be easier to handle than when they find out they were ‘just someone you know’.

  3. This is awesome Presh 😴

    The NYSC story got me crying, how come I never knew about it…? 😭
    I’m sorry that you went through such experience.

      1. Fantastic, thank God for your healing 😘

        Even though we don’t chat or talk often, you’re one friend I don’t ever wanna lose, always remember that.

        Generally, I have issues with calling people, even people I love so much, I’ve gone 6 months without speaking with my Mom, so bad right?

        I’m a work in progress.
        Some have given up on me because of I don’t respond to their chats… But after reading this well thought-piece, I’m more determined now than ever to change for the better, thanks for sharing.

  4. Great Piece, this could revitalize a dead relationship.

    What I do and intend is: I have tried to get in touch with a lot of people weather they reciprocate or not, for I know at the end I won’t be the one to be blamed for the death of the relationship, anyways I have decided to withdraw for a season from people I approached many times that haven’t responded so I could utilize that useful time to reach out to others who reciprocates and value our relationship.

    Well-done dear Miracle,
    Your write-ups will change and impact on many positively!

  5. What do you do about unreciprocated friendships and care. About people who you check up on, but they only check on you when they need stuffs.

    Sometimes I just sit and watch how the cards play out.

    I really want to know.

    Lest I forget, thanks for the great piece.

    1. Hi Naz,

      I totally understand how it feels to be the only one giving in friendships. It can be frustrating.

      Basically, when I see that I am consistently the only one making efforts, I see the other person’s unresponsiveness as a sign that my friendship is not needed, and I stop checking up.

      However, whenever they call for help, I offer my help in the most convenient way possible. I help, but I will not go out of my way to help. Although this also depends on how I’m led because sometimes, I’m led to go extra miles for people who are not deserving. It hurts all the time, but I still do so regardless. I believe we’ll find more fulfilment (and scriptures prescribes this too) when our actions are not badly influenced by the bad behaviours of others. It’s hard, but it’s doable.

      Also because of my kind of person, I do not hesitate to tell people that I do not really appreciate their calling me only when they need help. This saves me so much stress and overthinking.

      I hope this helps.

  6. Josiah Benedict Lawal

    Wow! Such a blessing!
    The oil on you will keep on increasing, on and on.

    I’ll definitely sieve my friends, and do well to keep in touch with them. I’ll try to place the first call.

    God bless you dear!

  7. Juliet chika Nwamadi

    Apt….really can’t find the word to describe this.
    For me I just came up with the conclusion that friendship is not for me so I just remain a loner in my world, so much hurts from friendship but am good.

  8. Meb, this is spectacular, indeed friendship and relationship are costly asset, It requires a lot to be maintain, i said so, because something when you want to show you care, some assume you need help that is why you are calling. Though your writeup has settle a lot, thanks .

  9. This is awesome 👌
    Thanks so much Meb for this write up, I hv really learnt a lot on ways to sustain a friendship
    I believe I will do better now in the area of placing a call or text.
    More grease to ur elbow 💪

  10. Pingback: Practical Tips for Drama-Free Friendships – Intentional Living with Meb

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