Are You the One Crossing Other People’s Boundaries?

how to know if you are the one crossing other people's boundaries

You’re careful not to let people walk all over you. But have you ever stopped to ask if you might be the one walking over them? Have you ever tried to know if you are the one crossing other people’s boundaries?

I know it takes a lot of bravery to admit that. You’re clearly not trying to be controlling, overbearing, or emotionally invasive. You’re only trying to show love deeply and care passionately. But while doing that, you’re crossing lines you were never meant to cross.

Better still, you’re likely not even trying to be in other people’s lives. You’re only doing your best to enforce your own boundaries in the best way possible. But before you realize it, you start to cross other people’s boundaries just in your quest for respect.

If you’ve ever felt your relationships suffer prolonged strain because you were overly available in people’s lives, this blog is for you. It will open your eyes to ways you could be suffocating and sabotaging your relationships by crossing other people’s boundaries.

We’ll talk about why you may be crossing other people’s boundaries, the subtle signs, and how you can start to honor them.

Dive in as soon as you’re ready. It’s gonna be a tough ride, though🫣

8 Signs You May Be Crossing Other People’s Boundaries and How to Start Honoring Boundaries

This section will be tough, but you’ll be glad you read through it.

Here are the most common subtle signs that help you know if you’re the one crossing other people’s boundaries.

You get offended when someone sets limits with you

Do you get offended when people tell you what they can and cannot accept from you in your relationship? Then you’re likely someone who crosses other people’s boundaries.

When you get upset at the limits people set, it means you don’t respect their boundaries enough to see them apply to you. It also means that you see those limits as an attack on you, rather than an expression of the other person’s needs.

To honor people’s limits, come to terms with the truth that people have the right to draw boundary lines for how they interact with you. You’re not above those lines.

You pressure people to respond, open up, or give you access

So, people don’t want you to know more about them or their situation than you currently do, and you’re all worked up and start to apply pressure to get them to open up? Then you’re the one crossing people’s boundaries.

When you push people to let you in, you ignore their right to choose when and how they engage. You basically tell them that their ‘No’ is unacceptable. You also send the message that your desire for connection is more important than their needs or comfort.

To start honoring people’s boundaries, always allow them to respond, open up, or give you access to their lives only as much as they are comfortable doing. No coercions or subtle manipulations.

You offer unsolicited advice

Sometimes, people don’t need advice from you. They just want you to simply sit with them in their process.

When you find yourself always advising, coaching, or trying to counsel people when they did not ask, then that’s a way to know you’re the one crossing other people’s boundaries.

How do you cross their boundaries? This unsolicited advice can sometimes come off as judgment or imply that you feel they do not know what they are doing and must be guided.

To honor their boundaries, focus on listening to them and only offer your advice only when asked.

You often dominate conversations or emotional space

If you always find a way to make every conversation about you and how you feel, then you may have a hard time respecting other people’s boundaries.

This behavior tells others that what they feel isn’t valid and they are wrong to think their feelings or situations matter.

You feel entitled to know everything about the people you love

It’s okay to be involved in the lives of those you love and care about. But when you start to believe that you must be involved in everything that happens to them, you’re being intrusive.

If you get angry whenever that friend of yours makes a big decision without consulting you, then that’s boundary crossing because you’re telling them they do not have the autonomy to live their lives the way they please. It screams “control.”

You guilt-trip others for not doing what you expect

When you are in the habit of guilt-tripping people when they do not meet your expectations, you’re crossing their boundaries.

By doing so, you’re trying to control their choices through guilt or shame, and that’s emotional manipulation.

This guilt-tripping can reveal itself as disappointment, passive-aggression, or emotional withdrawal to pressure people into compliance. It is very common between parents and their children.

Instead of resorting to guilt-tripping when people do not meet your expectations, learn to communicate your needs clearly and accept the fact that people have the freedom to choose what they do with their lives.

You feel anxious and rejected when someone takes time to respond to your message

When you start to feel anxious or disoriented when someone does not respond to you as soon as you want, then you’re encroaching.

What you’re implying is that they do not have the right to determine how they use their time or choose to engage with other people.

Instead of getting agitated and calling them repeatedly or bombarding them with text messages, relax. They could be busy, away from their phone, or intentionally not responding for reasons best known to them.

Allow them to respond when they are comfortable doing so. If there is an emergency, consider reaching out to someone who is close to them and can let them know their response is needed.

You feel anxious when someone needs time alone or with other friends.

So, they need time alone or with people other than you, and you’re all worked up? You are not respecting boundaries.

You know why?

Doing so shows that your need to control other people’s lives exceeds your respect for their autonomy. Your anger may eventually place emotional pressure on the other person to prioritize your needs over their own.

When people request time away from you, try not to take it personally and respect their wishes enough to stay away without malice.

You expect emotional returns for your acts of kindness or support

This was me a few months ago! I offered someone some form of emotional support during a rough season in her life. And by the time that season was over, I expected her to keep reaching out and taking me as a top priority in her life.

Well, she didn’t, and I was livid. Little did I know I was crossing her boundaries by being offended. I was literally telling her that she didn’t know what she was doing by deciding not to share further emotional connections with me after her situation.

I do know better now. So, if this is you, give people the autonomy to decide whether or not they want you in their lives, especially after you’ve been kind to them in one way or the other.

You assume silence means there’s a problem between you

If you’re always worried and trying to prove your worth to people when they’re silent in your relationship, you may be a boundary breaker.

Sometimes, people are silent or become passive because of something they are going through privately, not necessarily because of you.

When you always spring into action when people go quiet, you start to project your discomfort or anxiety onto them instead of respecting their space or communication style. You override their right to silence, reflection, or simply not sharing and treat it as something that needs to be fixed or solved.

This is terribly intrusive and even pressure them to respond or explain themselves against their wishes.

To honor people’s boundaries when they go silent, give them space. They may need time to process whatever they are going through.

If and when the silence stretches beyond normal, gently reach out to check on them. When you do, give them the freedom to share as little or as much as they are comfortable doing.

7 Reasons You Might Be Crossing Other People’s Boundaries

There could be several reasons you often cross other people’s boundaries. These reasons may be intentional or unintentional. But here are the 7 most common reasons you cross lines you should not cross.

Emotional hunger or fear of abandonment.

You may have craved deep emotional connections in your relationships for too long. Now, you desperately want others to meet emotional needs they either aren’t equipped or prepared to meet. So, you push them past their boundary walls just to get that connection or at least get the feeling of being close to them.

Or you could be afraid of being abandoned. So, you hold people so tightly that you start to suffocate them and leave no room for them to be themselves.

You’re a fixer

One seemingly innocent reason you may constantly cross other people’s boundaries is that you’re a fixer. You’re always trying to solve people’s problems, even without their approval.

First, being a fixer makes you take up responsibilities that aren’t yours. Consequently, you intrude into people’s personal space or emotional situations and may even deprive them of the opportunity to grow with their situation.

Your Upbringing

If you were raised in an environment where boundaries were never modeled or respected, you’d almost always be the one crossing other people’s boundaries.

Maybe your parents constantly forced you to behave a certain way, even when you found it challenging. Or, your emotional needs were constantly ignored or invaded. Hence, you do not know how not to dishonor other people’s boundaries.

You have a distorted understanding of love

If you grew up believing love only means rescuing, fixing, or constantly proving worth to someone, you may be guilty of crossing other people’s boundaries.

Also, when you believe that being loved is the same as being needed, you may start to get over-involved in people’s lives or completely ignore their autonomy.

Lack of emotional awareness

When you are not in tune with your emotional state, you may struggle to recognize how your actions affect those around you.

When you cannot read subtle emotional cues like tone, body language, or emotional shifts in conversations, you’ll always fail to notice when someone is uncomfortable, withdrawing, or trying to set a limit with you.

Not being emotionally aware may then lead you to misinterpret silence as agreement, politeness as permission, or conflict avoidance as openness. Consequently, you start to cross lines.

The feeling of entitlement

If, for whatever reason, you feel entitled to other people’s time, space, or decisions, you’ll likely be crossing their boundaries.

A sense of entitlement can lead you to believe you have the right to access other people’s time, emotions, or decisions, whether or not they consent.

And yes, entitlement will make you feel justified when you offer unsolicited advice, demand attention, or insert yourself into other people’s business.

You’ve never faced the consequences of overstepping boundaries

The final most common reason you could be crossing other people’s boundaries is that you’ve been getting away with it.

If all your life, you’ve always interacted with people who – for whatever reasons – did not resist your encroachment, then you’ll likely keep disrespecting boundaries.

Conclusion

Like I’d always say, I don’t write my blogs to shame anyone. My aim remains to shed light on blind spots in your life so you can intentionally make the necessary changes.

So, now you already know whether or not you have been disrespecting other people’s boundaries (and why). Why not take the necessary steps to start to honor them?