Every Man Cheats!

Are you surprised?

Yea so was I the first time I heard a woman make that statement. But the shock I received from those words wasn’t the height of it. I was completely flabbergasted🤯 when I discovered there are thousands of other women who do not only believe those words, but also root their future in them.

These women say things like:

“let him just take care of me and my children, I don’t care what he does out there because I know he will cheat.”

“well, it is better to prepare your heart to be cheated, so when it comes, you won’t be too hurt.”

“let’s leave men to be men.”

How?

When did we get here?

How did we reduce love and marriage to something to be managed and tolerated?

Hold on a sec. I think I know how we got here.

Unmarried folks are allowed to have sex and enjoy carnal knowledge of one another. But as soon as they’re married, they’re expected to comport themselves and stick with one sexual partner!

Do you see where the joke started?

Lust and a lack of self-control are the driving forces behind sexual immorality, irrespective of a person’s marital status. So, a man who sleeps with a woman before he marries her has all the traits required to sleep with another woman after his wedding. This is because a wedding (which differentiates the married from the unmarried) does not, in itself, burn down lust.

But that’s a talk for yet another day.

So, what then is my beef with the line in my topic?

It Is a Faithless and Unscriptural Thing to Say

Every woman who believes and confesses that “all men are scum” should be sure to always encounter men from the scum club!

As a man thinks, so is he.

What you believe – and say – is what you get. And we’ve agreed in one of my previous posts that your words are tools you must learn to use to your advantage. 

Let me tell you what my confession has always been. God has sons, faithful sons who are capable of loving their wives with all they have and soldering on with the vows they make in marriage. Now, if there is a best among this category of men, that’s who God has prepared for me – irrespective of what society wants me to think.

After all, if God has, without compulsion, given His Son as a ransom for me, why would He withhold a faithful man from me?

I remember one very beautiful soul I had as a roommate in my final year at the university. Whenever we discussed marriage and relationships, she would tell us with dreamy eyes😍 that her marriage would be beautiful, and her husband would love her so much. Sometimes, the confidence with which she said this would leave the rest of us wondering how she was so sure – even though she wasn’t in a relationship at the time.

But guess what?

She married the man of her dreams some three years after we graduated. And even from a picture, you could tell that her husband adores her, and she’s having an experience of heaven in her marriage!

I know you’d wonder how we are still sure her husband will not cheat in the future. But, listen, she trusted God to bring her a man who would love and cherish her, and God did. So, what would it cost God to add faithfulness to the bag?  

It Undermines the Beauty in God’s Design for Marriage

If you have the mindset that every man cheats, I can bet my phone on the fact that you will definitely not be vulnerable with your spouse. – just in case he cheats. But I can also assure you that keeping your vulnerability away from your spouse is not in God’s original design for marriage. You are supposed to be ONE with him!

Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.                                                                                                                       Gen 2:24

In Ephesians 5:21 to 33, we see Apostle Paul place marriage side by side with the relationship between Christ and His Church. Christ loves His dear church so much that He gave Himself, suffered indescribable humiliation, and hung on the cross (the most demeaning kind of sentence, meted only to hardened criminals at the time) – all for the church.

In turn, the church is to submit to Christ. She is to bare herself and allow Christ’s Spirit to search, excavate, erode, and rebuild the most intimate and most vulnerable parts of her being. She is to receive the life of Christ and live as He leads. Now that’s some really personal stuff. But the one and only earthly experience that nears this is the relationship between a man and his wife!

The man is to love his wife, give his all to bring the best out of her, and be able to lay down his life for her. The woman is to submit to her husband’s leadership (don’t worry, I know a misinformed set of females will oppose this). She is to receive her husband’s love and support him as much as possible. But most importantly, man and wife are to submit themselves to each other in the fear of God.

But how can a couple experience all these if one party withholds a part of themselves because they’re not sure the other person will stay faithful? 

You Short Change Yourself, Managing Less than God’s Best for You

Infidelity hurts, irrespective of how prepared you are for it.

But God designed marriage to be blissful and enjoyed by both parties.

This is not to say that marriage will not be without its own storms. But even when the storms come, you and your spouse will sail the toughest of them together in the unity of mind, soul, and spirit.

Sweetheart, forget what you’ve seen online or what your friend (or aunt) has experienced. Marriage is sweet and is one profound way we can experience the love of God in and through another human being. Aren’t you precious enough to enjoy this kind of sweetness too? Trust me, some people are currently enjoying every second of their marriages.

Do you know a couple who currently enjoys a blissful marriage? I’m not talking about people who have a perfect marriage on Instagram. If you don’t, ask God to lead you to one. Simply make that sincere prayer today. I’m sure God will direct your attention to the right place.

Watch that couple. Watch the fruit they bear. See how progressive they are. Watch how fulfilled they are. They may not have all the funds for vacations in Dubai and Paris, but I tell you, nothing beats the bliss of a fulfilling marriage.

Now ask yourself if you want to miss all that (and others that the couple shares between themselves) because of the fear of experiencing infidelity.

Or why else would you settle with the idea that a man will not be faithful to you? Are you scared you won’t find someone better?

Haven’t you heard that none shall lack her mate?

Why settle for ashes when you can have beauty?

It Gives Men an Excuse to Avoid Change

This!

Someone told me of a young woman in a relationship who has been announcing why her boyfriend should cheat on her. In her perspective, she doesn’t blame him, ‘we shouldn’t expect a man to keep eating one kind of soup year in and year out.’ Her boyfriend, on the other, keeps declaring boldly, right in her presence, that he should not be expected to be faithful.

You see?

A woman keeps making excuses for bad behavior; she keeps bringing down her standard to accommodate a man who wouldn’t put in the work to overcome his lust. What do you think would happen?

Of course, there’d be nothing to necessitate a change in an unfaithful folk!

And my anger is that boys who are becoming men will see this trend and make no effort to deal with lust too!

Do you get the gist?

But There’s Hope

I know you may have been cheated on before, but babe, that’s your past!

If you’ll let God take charge of (all) your decisions regarding relationships and marriage.

If you’ll choose to trust Him and wait for His appointed time.

If you’ll learn to shut your ears to all the rubbish on Twitter.

If you believe your man will be faithful to God and you.

You will have that man of your dreams. That man who would not even let the thought of being unfaithful to you cross his mind. That man who would be ready to be everything humanly possible to you and never let another woman into his world.

You can have him, babe!

I know so because that’s how it was in the beginning!!

But before someone would say I’m being unfair😑, guys, please reverse all the genders and pronouns, and you’ll see I’m concerned about you too😎