You promised yourself you wouldn’t do this again. That you’d take it slow. That you’d keep your heart guarded and allow your relationships to unfold gradually. But somehow, here you are, overthinking, emotionally invested, and stressing if they feel the same way about you, even though things just started.
Or worse, they’ve suddenly stopped showing interest in you while you were busy investing your emotions and time into them. Now, deep down, you’re asking yourself a hard question:
“Why do I get attached so easily?” “Why am I too quick to invest myself into people?”
If this sounds anything like you, you’re not alone. Emotional attachment is pretty much important for every healthy relationship. But when done too quickly, it can cloud your discernment and leave you vulnerable to a heartbreak.
Well, attaching to people too quickly can also keep you too busy investing your time and emotions in people who shouldn’t have them, so that you’ll have no time for the people or things that matter. Trust me, I’ve been there myself – several times. And I’ve had to learn the hard way.
When you get attached too quickly, you often build stories in your head about people who haven’t even proven they’re emotionally safe or invested in you. You fill in the blanks with hope instead of facts. As a result, you start to over-function, overthink, and overextend access to people who probably have no business being in your life.
This blog will help you understand why you keep getting attached too quickly. And at the end, you’ll understand the dynamics at play when you constantly invest so much of your emotions and time into relationships that haven’t proven they deserve you.
Let’s go!
1. You Don’t Know How to Sit with Emotional Loneliness.
A.k.a., you don’t enjoy being by yourself. So, the moment someone gives you the slightest hint of interest, you run into them headfirst.
If you’ve not learned to sit with and savor emotional solitude, you’ll keep getting attached too quickly because you’ll be trying to keep your life busy with external emotional connections. Invariably, you’ll be working hard to hit it off with everyone you meet to have an emotional connection to share with them.
Read this blog to know if you do not enjoy spending time with yourself.
2. You Confuse Attention for Affection.
When you cannot differentiate between being noticed temporarily by someone and being the object of that person’s interest and love, you’ll likely be getting attached too easily.
This was literally me about a decade ago, especially in romantic relationships. The moment a guy asked me for my number, I assumed he was ‘deeply interested’ in me. And by the time we get on our 3rd call or second date, I start to think I am the number one priority in their lives. I learned the hard way.
The thing is, attention can be momentary and performative. But affection is intentional and sustained. However, when you haven’t felt seen in a while, even crumbs of attention can feel like a feast, prompting you to unleash your emotional hooks.
3. You Grew Up Emotionally Neglected or Unseen.
Like I’d always say on this blog, we are intricately emotional beings and will always need emotional connections to thrive.
So, if you rarely experienced a safe emotional connection as a child, you’ll likely not mind experiencing it in whatever way it comes.
Consequently, you’ll find yourself seeking emotional connections from anyone who makes you feel noticed – immediately they notice you.
4. You Romanticize People Instead of Observing Them.
If you tend to build people up or build a fantasy world with them in your mind before getting to know who they actually are, then that’s one reason you keep getting attached too easily.
You fill in emotional gaps with fantasies, potential, or hope, without ever letting time reveal people’s true character. Soon enough, you’ll be attached to the idea of someone, not the reality of who they are. And when time eventually reveals them, you get heartbroken.
When you romanticize people, you also immediately confide, trust, and emotionally rely on them without knowing them. You try to create some kind of emotional safety with them, leaning only on the slightest attention they gave you.
5. You’re Trying to Fix Everyone
The truth is that whenever you ‘fix’ someone, you invest a significant amount of emotional resources into that relationship.
So, if you’re in the habit of always trying to fix people as soon as you meet them, you’ll be forming emotional connections with these people too quickly.
6. You Tie Your Worth to People Choosing You
If you believe that being chosen makes you worthy (a.k.a. low self-esteem), you’ll keep misinterpreting people’s interest to mean that they choose you. And when you do this, you’ll go out of your way to connect with them on the spur of the moment.
This identity distortion can originate from having an emotionally bankrupt childhood or having consistent negative experiences in your relationships. Whatever the origin, when you fail to understand what makes you a worthy person, you’ll look to other people for validation.
Conclusion
Now that you clearly understand why you keep getting attached easily, you should know the next line of action to protect your heart and peace.
Not everybody deserves or should even have an emotional connection with you. So, knowing how to set emotional boundaries to protect that sacred asset (and release it to the right people) will be one of the greatest self-development steps you’ll ever take.
