Spending time with yourself is pretty important because the key to having meaningful relationships with others lies in the dynamics of your relationship with yourself. Simply put, how you relate with yourself tells a lot about how your relationships with others will turn out. So, if you desire to have great relationships, then you must start with having an extraordinary relationship with yourself.
But wait, what if you are not even sure about the kind of relationship you have with yourself? What would that mean for the other relationships in your life?
Now, before you get into a relationship with anybody, you must first meet them and then spend some time with them, right? In the same way, if you will have a great relationship with yourself, you have to be able to spend quality time with yourself.
Hold up.
Do you even like spending time with yourself? Do you enjoy your own company? If you do not enjoy being by yourself, how can you expect to have a remarkable relationship with others?
First things first. What are some signs that could be pointing to the fact that you do not enjoy your own company? How will you know that you do not like being alone or by yourself?
You Don’t Stay Quiet Enough for Meditation, Reflection, Or Learning.
I know that the gradual decline in attention span we’re facing around the globe does not make this easier. But when you find that you do not know how to stay quiet enough for uninterrupted thinking, reflection, or learning, then there’s a problem with your self-relationship. If you struggle with reading, learning, or meditating for a long time without wanting to be out of your own face, or you always feel sad, empty, or depressed whenever you are by yourself, then you sure do hate spending time with yourself enough.
This can also look like avoiding conversations that require reflection or vulnerability. When you avoid reflection too often, you are likely avoiding something within you that could come to light when you take time to think introspectively. That thing could be something you’ve done in the past or something you dislike about yourself.
You Have Poor (Or No) Boundary Lines
Boundary setting is all about knowing where your responsibilities begin and end when interacting with others. So, having poor boundary lines or no boundary indicates that you have no clue where your territory begins nor where the other person’s ends. And if you know nothing about what you are responsible for, you will have a hard time taking joy in being with yourself. You’ll be too entangled in other people’s business – and other people too webbed into your business – to perceive yourself as a distinct entity who’s worthy of quality time from you.
Poor boundaries can manifest as being in several toxic or chaotic relationships (not just romantic relationships). When you put up with abuse or toxicity in your relationships and do not take the necessary steps to draw clear boundary lines or detach from such relationships, it could indicate something. You fear that setting boundaries will make you lose those people and be by yourself.
Another sign that your poor boundaries stem from your inability to be comfortable alone is that you let other people’s negligence become an emergency for you. A perfect example is when you are always available for impromptu meetings or spur-of-the-moment activities with other people, especially when the lack of planning is the other person’s fault.
You Have Addictive Habits
Excessive scrolling is a thing many people deal with today – social media app companies aren’t paying experts millions of dollars for nothing. But when you find that the moment you aren’t talking or doing something with someone, you immediately get lost on social media, it could be a sign that you do not really enjoy your own company.
How so?
If you always reach for your phone whenever you have the chance to be alone, you’re simply looking for a distraction. Now, you could be looking to get distracted from something on your mind or from the fact that you are by yourself. It’s called false medication.
If you are sure that there’s really nothing bothering you, then, your addiction to your phone is likely a sign that you are looking for a way to escape being by yourself without the constant stimulation of social media and entertainment.
Scrolling isn’t the only bad guy here. Getting addicted to food, pornography, gambling, drugs, or even video games could be a sign that you are subconsciously trying to escape from a reality about yourself.
You Constantly Seek External Validation or Always Want to Please People
When you see that you are always on the hunt for the approval and validation of other people, then you’ll most likely not enjoy your own company.
You know why?
When you cannot function without validation from others or always put pleasing people before your well-being, you are grossly insecure about your worth as an individual. This means you doubt the value you bring to the world and you need other people’s attention to feel valued.
Now tell me. Would you like to own or spend time with something you deem worthless or of little value? How, then, would you enjoy being by yourself if you have yet to see your unique value?
You Don’t Take Care of Yourself
When you consistently fail to cater to your physical, mental, and spiritual health, it is a sign that you do not enjoy spending time with yourself.
Relax. I know that taking care of yourself might seem unrelated to how much you love being by yourself, but here’s the correlation:
Taking care of your physical, mental, and spiritual health are things YOU do for YOU and with YOU alone. Staying fit requires YOU to dress up, get to the gym, and work your body to fitness. Staying spiritually healthy requires YOU to study your Bible and pray to God. People don’t get to go through these processes with you.
So, when you find yourself constantly making excuses and avoiding (and failing to deliberately making time for) your overall well-being, it could just be that the real thing you are avoiding is spending time with yourself.
You Want to Be at Every Party Or Gathering
There is nothing good about living a boring, colorless life. But if you constantly go out of your way to be everywhere people are gathered, there is a problem with your self-relationship. Also, if you always feel rejected or inferior when you do not get invited to events and parties, then you’ve got to start practicing loving being around yourself.
If you are a Christian, fellowshipping with other believers is necessary for your faith. However, when you are always in every Christian gathering around you but cannot seem to devote even the shortest time to spend alone with God, you are running from someone. That someone could be God (not if you have no trouble attending church) or yourself.
How Does Loving Your Own Company Impact Your Relationships?
The truth is, when you do not enjoy your own company, you’ll be less likely to show yourself the respect you deserve. And when you fail to give yourself that respect, people see it – they figure it out and will hardly be inclined to show you any respect. As a result, they may not place so much premium on your presence and input in their lives. You know what will automatically follow when this happens.
Take Action
Don’t close this page without ascertaining whether or not you enjoy being with yourself. Do any of the signs above sound anything like you? If yes, in a subsequent blog, I’ll share practical tips that can help you start to love and enjoy your own company so much that you’ll need to convince yourself to make time for other people in your life. Don’t hesitate to devour that blog once I publish it. Please share this with everyone you know.
