The fear of being misunderstood can feel like a silent war inside your head. And we’ve all encountered this at one point or another. If you don’t understand what I mean, let me explain. #see what I did here?😆
So, you say or do something with pure intentions, but as soon as you’re done, you start to second-guess yourself and every one of your words and actions.
You stay stuck on questions like, “What if they take it the wrong way?” “Should I explain it better?” “Do they think I’m being rude, selfish, too much?”
Is this familiar?
You’d think something like the fear of being misunderstood only shows up during conflicts. But you can trust it to pop up in your everyday conversation and interaction with people.
This fear makes you talk more than you want to, defend things you shouldn’t have to, and shrink back when you’re not instantly affirmed. It convinces you that being misjudged by others is the worst thing that can ever happen to you.
But that’s not true.
The thing is, the fear of being misunderstood is not just about others. It’s about your relationship with yourself. The more grounded you become in who you are, the less you’ll feel the urge to over-explain, overcorrect, or overcompensate just so people are always on the same page as you.
If you’re tired of living with that fear, let’s unpack how to heal from the fear of being misunderstood so you never have to keep explaining to everyone you interact with.
Why You Fear Being Misunderstood
There are several reasons why you could be dealing with the fear of being misunderstood. So, you may need a clinical expert to help excavate your unique reasons.
But here are a few reasons you dread being misunderstood:
- The fear of rejection, abandonment, or misjudgment resulting from regular negative experiences.
- Growing up with unhealed childhood traumas, especially around being able to defend yourself before adults or older children.
- When you desire to be perfect in everyone’s eyes, you’ll be terrified of being misunderstood.
Steps to Let Go of the Fear of Being Misunderstood
Say less
If you want to stop worrying about being misunderstood, practice saying less in your conversations. Instead, focus on saying exactly what needs to be said in a concise, straightforward manner.
I know this sounds counterintuitive. But here’s how it works.
When you converse with people, and you’re saying too much at a time, you reduce their chances of properly comprehending what you say.
And the more you speak, the more you may need to speak to explain the things you say so they understand you. In no time, you may start to overshare or lose composure, all in the name of being clear enough.
What you need to do is first be clear on what you want, then communicate your wants in clear terms. Speak at a comfortable pace and ensure your message is well received. Read this blog to learn practical tips for communicating and passing your message like a pro.
Give yourself the last word
This happens to me a lot – I always want to have the last word in my conversations. And sometimes, it can take me a few days after the discussion to remember to properly ‘explain myself’ so I am not misunderstood. This is when I start to send texts like, ‘remember our conversation last year? I want to correct…”
Instead of sending that text so you can have the last word, consider having that last word to yourself. Journal whatever explanation you’re planning to give to the other person. Then ask yourself deep questions around your quest to have the last word.
The fact remains that the fear of being misunderstood is a self-confidence problem, and journaling boosts your confidence enough to stop you from over-explaining yourself.
Build an unshakeable confidence
If you want to completely eliminate the fear of being misunderstood, work on your confidence. Let it grow from the inside out.
Read this blog to learn applicable steps to build your self-confidence.
Leave clarity alone
Yes. If you want to get rid of your fear of being misunderstood, you have to let clarity be.
If you’re not a supervisor waiting on a new intern to deliver a project that determines whether your company shuts down or stays open, always resist the urge to explain your intentions more than once.
After you’ve clearly articulated and communicated your message, leave every other thing alone. And if you still feel misunderstood, let them misunderstand you. Be okay with it if it doesn’t affect critical things in your life.
Know that some people misinterpret from their own unhealed places
You’ll really take your personal growth to the next level if you make peace with the fact that people may misunderstand you from their own unhealed places.
When you realize that people are sometimes controlled by their past and other factors beyond them, you’ll see that their understanding of what you said or did has nothing to do with you. And they’ll still misunderstand you even if you clarified yourself a million times.
Make peace with this and move on. You’ll no longer fear being misunderstood.
Conclusion
Let me be the one to break this to you: it is not your job to make other people understand you all the time.
Your responsibility is to convey your intentions with honesty and clarity. Whatever people make of your communication will be totally up to them.
Now, go ahead and free up some healthy space in your mind, instead of burdening yourself with trying to get people to understand you all the time.
