In our previous post, we looked into signs that you’re living for societal expectations. Now, we’ll look at the root causes, the disadvantages, and how to break free from societal expectations.
So, if you’ve been feeling deeply dissatisfied or unfulfilled with your life, this post will help you break free, so you can start living authentically. If you feel trapped in a life built to please others rather than honor your unique convictions, your freedom is here.
By the time you follow the steps to break free from societal expectations explained in this post, you’ll begin to see fulfillment pour into your life again.
Let’s go!
Why You Live for Societal Expectations
The truth is that nobody ever deliberately decides to start living for societal expectations. This way of living is usually learned subconsciously and has the following roots:
The human need for belonging and approval
This would be the umpteenth time I’ll be saying this on this blog, but as humans, we’re naturally wired to crave connections and acceptance from our fellow humans. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with giving in to this desire.
However, when this desire becomes extreme or uncontrolled, it leads to people-pleasing and an inordinate need for approval. With time, you may begin to see the approval of those around you (a.k.a. society) as the highest achievement you can attain.
Fear of rejection or failure
When you dread rejection so much that you feel worthless when you fail or face rejection, then you’ll likely live for societal expectations.
You know why?
This fear will always propel you to do anything possible to be accepted or to maintain a pristine reputation before people. In other words, instead of living from a place of authenticity, you start to build your life around getting accepted by others.
Religious, cultural, or childhood conditioning
If you were raised in an environment where your religious, cultural, or family conditioning was influenced by social scripts, chances are that you’ll likely be living for societal expectations.
Not living intentionally
The truth is that there are some social scripts we cannot totally ignore. They’ve become so accepted that they’re now the norm in many societies. And by default, those affected by these scripts unconsciously live by them.
To break free from societal expectations, you need to first be free from the grip of these social scripts, and intentional living is the only way to achieve this.
But if you’re stuck on autopilot living, you may never even realize that you’re embracing any societal script in the first place.
The Disadvantages of Living for Societal Expectations
Living by social scripts might appear more straightforward than breaking free from societal expectations, but in the long run, the cost of the former can literally eat you alive.
Here are some severe disadvantages of living by societal expectations:
You’ll live disconnected from God and your essence
If all you ever do with your life is to align with what society says you should, when exactly do you do things that align with your core and who God says you are?
So, when you fail to break free from societal expectations, you may never come to the point of self-awareness, purpose discovery, or an intimate relationship with God.
You may never know what you should be doing in the different seasons of your life. Why? You’ll be too busy chasing imaginary finish lines to do any of these.
Emotional and physical burnout
Living for societal expectations is extremely tiring. You know why? Society doesn’t demand your cooperation in just one area. If you are living for societal expectations in your finances, you’ll be pressured to do the same in all other areas of your life.
Consequently, you’ll be pulled in different directions, doing things that aren’t aligned with your core. In the end, you’ll surely experience burnout from all the performances you need to put up.
Anxiety and low self-worth
Want to know the truth?
Nobody ever succeeds in meeting societal expectations. The moment you take off that graduation gown after bagging the degree society forces you to get, you’ll be pressured to get married next.
And if you eventually find someone to tie the knot with, in no time, society will start looking out for the baby bump. Else, you know the names they’ll have for you.
Living for societal expectations leaves you constantly anxious and second-guessing your potential because being yourself or relying on your natural competencies will never be enough for the social scripts you live by.
It’s an endless cycle. And since you’ll never meet up, you may start to develop low self-worth when you see others who seem to be ‘meeting up.’
How to Break Free from Societal Expectations
Audit your life area by area
You cannot truly break free from societal expectations if you don’t know where you are influenced by social scripts.
So, to fish out those performances, start with a comprehensive audit of your life, area by area. Grab a journal and go through key areas of your life, from your faith, finance, relationship, marriage or dating, career/business, lifestyle, and participation on social media.
For each area, do the following:
- Identify the hidden societal expectations powering your current activities in them. Do this by asking questions like, “What was the true reason I started this job or went into this relationship?”
- When you identify any social script sponsoring any area of your life, you want to break free from those societal expectations by questioning their origins.
- When you’ve verified the origin of those expectations, rewrite those scripts. Turn them into personal/purpose scripts.
So, if, for example, you got into your current relationship out of the pressure of being married by a certain age, rewrite the script by journaling about your trust in God’s timing. Remind yourself that you will have the best marriage because you’ll get married when you are mentally and spiritually prepared, not because society says you should.
Anchor your identity in something higher
You won’t know how to break free from societal expectations until you replace them with something unshakable. Until you anchor your identity on something higher than social scripts, you’ll remain stuck.
So, who are you without the input of others? Based on God’s design for your life, what unique season of life are you now in? And what does God expect you to be doing with your life now?
Also, meditate on Scriptures and let God’s Word recalibrate your standards.
Practice courageous decision-making
If you will break free from societal expectations, then you need to learn to say yes to your convictions, even if they disappoint others.
Whenever you have any decisions to make, let your first consideration be what is suitable for you and your current life’s season, not what feels good to others or makes you appear happy to them.
Start living intentionally
When you live an intentional life that isn’t left to autopilot movements, you’ll surely be able to break free from societal expectations.
You know why?
Intentional living questions every move and anchors them on your values and life’s purpose, not other people’s expectations.
Read this blog to learn how to live intentionally.
Find a freedom circle
When you start taking the above steps to break free from societal expectations, you’ll need to surround yourself with like-minded people so you don’t relapse into those norms around you.
Surround yourself with people who do not support your mask, but cheer you on in your becoming. Your freedom will flourish in an aligned community.
Conclusion
Learning how to break free from societal expectations is a journey, not a one-time event. So, don’t stop if you don’t see results after taking these steps the first time.
Keep trying until you break free from the cages of societal norms and expectations. I’m rooting for you!
