You didn’t mean to lose yourself in that relationship. But it is happening in small, barely noticeable ways. Every time you stay silent when something hurt. Every time you say “yes” when you really wanted to say “no,”. Every time you ignore nurturing YOU because of a relationship.
The truth is that when you care deeply about someone, it’s easy to keep pouring into them until you are out. At first, it feels like love. You want to make them happy, and you want the connection to work.
But slowly, the lines begin to blur. You forget what your voice sounds like without the need to meet their expectations. You forget what peace feels like without constantly monitoring their mood. And you stop showing up as you, and start performing as whoever they need you to be.
If you’re in that place where you no longer operate from a place of authenticity, all because of a relationship, then this blog is for you. Most especially if you’re the kind of person who loves deeply and is quick to believe in the best in people.
Below are 7 subtle but powerful signs you may be losing yourself in your relationship.
What are the Signs You’re Losing Yourself in a Relationship?
You adopt your partner’s (or friend’s) identity
It is entirely normal to start to imitate your friend or partner in some things when you’ve been with them for a while.
But when you completely discard your personal beliefs, ideologies, and way of doing things to embrace the other person’s, then it is a sign you are losing yourself in the relationship.
You stop doing the things that fulfil you.
If your relationship caused you to stop doing some or all of the things you used to do that brought you fulfillment, it’s a sign that you are losing yourself in it.
Of course, true love is selfless and requires you to make some sacrifices. But when you always have to sacrifice everything that brings you fulfillment or means so much to you for the relationship to thrive, then you’re losing grip on your core.
In no time, you’ll become exhausted and need nourishment for your soul.
You constantly walk on eggshells
When we truly love someone, we speak their love language and avoid doing things that hurt or upset them.
But when you literally have to walk on eggshells around your partner or friend, out of the fear of offending or conflicting with them, then you’re gradually losing yourself in that relationship.
If you tolerate everything or have the need to overthink all of your reactions and responses, then it’s a bad sign.
If you always need to shrink, filter your words and responses, or be careful of the way you act around the other person, then you’re getting out of touch with yourself already.
You question your worth outside the relationship
The concept of self-worth should only come from within, and how you choose to handle other external contributors.
But when you constantly doubt who you can become without that relationship, then you’re losing yourself.
When the other person’s attention, validation, or applause becomes the only lens through which you reckon with your worth, that’s a sign.
You make decisions solely around your partner’s preferences
As soon as you discover that you no longer make critical decisions for yourself, without following what your partner thinks or likes, something may be happening with you in that relationship.
I get it. We all should make our partners our top priority. But when your needs are constantly left on the back burner, while you spend every resource you have nurturing and actualizing the other person’s desire, you’re losing yourself.
Other people say you’ve changed, and not in a good way.
Whenever the trusted voices in your life start to notice and point out a drastic change around you, it is a clear sign that you may be losing yourself in a relationship.
People who love and are close to us are usually better at seeing signs and patterns we easily ignore. So, whenever any of these people complains that you’re different (in a bad way) because of your relationship, you’re losing yourself.
You compromise your values or feel guilty setting boundaries
When a relationship causes you to water down your values and principles, or makes you feel bad for setting boundaries around the things that matter to you, you’re losing yourself.
One of the hallmarks of a healthy relationship is that both parties can set and respect appropriate boundaries within the relationship.
Conclusion
You were never meant to disappear in love. Any kind of love that causes you to lose your essence or live below who God has called you to be is not genuine love.
And to be honest, losing yourself in a relationship isn’t even about being happy. You may believe you’re happy because of some lies you’ve decided to believe about relationships and happiness.
So, if you’re feeling that agitation bubbling within you, ensure you check these signs to see if you’re beginning to lose yourself in your relationship.
